• recklessarts

Letting Go (7/52)

Hoo boy. Well, here I am, still deep into this project. And yet, you've seen so little of it! Especially if you've only been following me here through the website. Oftentimes, it's hard to know what to write. I feel like I have to be deep and profound, I feel like I need to set aside a lot of time to delve deep within and bring forth something magical and meaningful. Truth be told, I don't always have a chance to step into that kind of space. And maybe, that's not something you really need from me. That sounds more like an idea of my ego, a story of who I'm supposed to be.

I remember this night. My partner was helping me, and I felt awful about needing his help and wanting his company. Shame likes to rear its painful head when I try to incorporate others into my work. My process isn't neat, or super competent. Especially when this image was taken, my process mostly consisted of getting anxious and showing up with very little in mind other than a sense of need to not walk away from this project. Like many people, I would love to show up with a big, juicy idea and all the skills to bring it to light. But hey, I'm not there, at least not yet.

Either way, I showed up, and look what happened. Look at that snake! Absolutely nothing I could have manifested in a controlled fashion. It just appeared. And on a night where I felt like crying and giving up because this whole idea felt so impossible. I think the magic/creativity is always there, waiting for us. It's just not always easy to open the door to it. I've found the best thing is to just show up and let go. I've had a lot of lessons this year around letting go and trusting the process. Right now, I feel on the cusp of so much transformation. These may be old images, but at least the words will be fresh while I catch up. So here's to shedding old ways that no longer work and just letting the fire burn.