I've fallen far behind with my writing. Part of me is fine with this, as I never wanted this project to be something I felt I did for an audience. I find myself performing that way more often than I like, and I want to protect this project from that. I've noticed that the more I do things driven by what I think other people think, or what I "should" do, the less I know my own voice. I want this project be an exploration of my internal space, letting what shows up to be a reflection through which I can better hear myself. Since I've fallen so far behind, it's gone from feeling like flowing river to a blocked and stagnant pond. I've kept up with the photographing, but it's been difficult. I hope finally writing these words will release that energy.
I know part of the delay is how good I felt about these images, and how magical that night was. I wanted to share them, desperately, but I also think that I just wanted to savor them for myself first. Because these images express something that lives deep inside of me, a part of me that feels truer than anything else. Through these images, I see an expression that I've always wanted to hold within my artwork. One that plays with the feeling of space and time, simultaneously attempting to remove the human body from reality in order to create a sense of deeper connection to the world in which it exists. That night itself was one of playful magic, and I felt like I got to touch something that often feels out of reach.
I started out with one intention, an idea that I've been playing with for years. Best friend in tow, I headed down the coast and ended up with something so much more than I could have dreamed. As we began to experiment, a coastal fog began to roll in, bringing with it one of the most surreal, beautiful experiences I've ever had. The main light source was behind and below me as I stood upon a boulder. At this point, I had begun to move and dance, and as the fog rolled in, I happened to look up. From that perspective, and with all that moisture in the air, the shadow of my body projected up into the sky above me, like some massive, headless being. I have never seen anything like it. The perspective of it, and the scale of it is hard to put into words. As I undulated my arms, the shadow shifted and danced as well. I felt incredibly immense, and ridiculously tiny at the same time. I looked old, and colossal...I felt that I had become some kind of forgotten nameless god, as if I could reach out and shape the earth with my very hands. It left me in awe, and as the fog began to drift back out to sea, it felt like I had gotten to see through a curtain to something sacred and secret.
I can see why I've needed to hold that to my own heart for awhile. I feel like these are some of the most interesting images I've ever taken, and if I'm being honest, I don't know how often I'll find myself creating in a space that potent. But I hope by continuing, these doors will open again and again.
Extra images showing the progression...